I don't know where to begin exactly. But I will try.
Life has been good, my walk has been great. Besides the past week. I've been hit hard by my many struggles.
Something I have always struggled with Pride, and as time goes by it gets worse and worse. As a way to grow in my relationship with God, I try to not only read and study my Bible, but to also read and study books by other people. But as I write these things down, I don't want them to die in my heart, so I post them as statuses on FaceBook. And let me just say, I've been on a roll. This book I have been reading is filled with things, just strong convicting words. And I got a lot of attention on my statuses from that. Whether it was 'likes' or 'comments'. And, especially for me, it is so easy to get caught up in this pride. And I know that God has blessed me with Wisdom. But I start getting into this mindset, that this Wisdom is mine. Its not, its God's. And then I begin to hear people tell me about how the things I say are so great, and then I hear them quote me. To be straight up, it feels great!! But, then I get into that mindset, and its hard to step out.
I also face another enemy day to day. Pursuing relationships. I mean, for anyone who knows me, they know that I am really big into "Emotional Purity". (Another post... haha, another day.) But I struggle day to day with the desire to pursue a relationship. Then it gets worse, when I am surrounded by a lot of really, really pretty girls.
To add on to my dilemma, I'm a chick magnet. Now, I know what you are thinking; "This kid just talked about pride, and now look at him!!" But sometimes that's how it comes across. When I am under the impression that several girls are interested in me. It makes my daily battle not to pursue... even worse. And it adds to pride.
And lastly, I have been facing a new enemy. Doubt. Don't get me wrong, I have struggled with doubt before, as anyone has. But never like this. Doubting the existence of God. I know it sounds stupid. Seriously it does. I literally think to myself: This is so stupid. It is Satan and my Flesh attacking me. And I hate it. I don't want to doubt God, I want to wholeheartedly cling to Him!!
And then there's Hell. Do I really believe in Hell?? I claim to. I could preach to you on it. I could wear the Book out showing your verses. I could walk the whole nine yards. But, I don't live with this "Hell Mentality." As if desperate that NO ONE goes to Hell. Would the death of a Sinner affect me more, or less, than a Christian's??? It should! I should tremble, and fall to my news crying for that person. But. I. Don't.
I need a desperation for God. I need a desperation for the Lost. I need an intense belief and urgency concerning Hell. I need, less of me, and More of God. Because all I do to myself is kill myself! God Heals Me.
Save me, Jesus save me. Save me from myself. From all my Dreams Come True.
Thanks for reading.
John Mark,
Life has been good, my walk has been great. Besides the past week. I've been hit hard by my many struggles.
Something I have always struggled with Pride, and as time goes by it gets worse and worse. As a way to grow in my relationship with God, I try to not only read and study my Bible, but to also read and study books by other people. But as I write these things down, I don't want them to die in my heart, so I post them as statuses on FaceBook. And let me just say, I've been on a roll. This book I have been reading is filled with things, just strong convicting words. And I got a lot of attention on my statuses from that. Whether it was 'likes' or 'comments'. And, especially for me, it is so easy to get caught up in this pride. And I know that God has blessed me with Wisdom. But I start getting into this mindset, that this Wisdom is mine. Its not, its God's. And then I begin to hear people tell me about how the things I say are so great, and then I hear them quote me. To be straight up, it feels great!! But, then I get into that mindset, and its hard to step out.
I also face another enemy day to day. Pursuing relationships. I mean, for anyone who knows me, they know that I am really big into "Emotional Purity". (Another post... haha, another day.) But I struggle day to day with the desire to pursue a relationship. Then it gets worse, when I am surrounded by a lot of really, really pretty girls.
To add on to my dilemma, I'm a chick magnet. Now, I know what you are thinking; "This kid just talked about pride, and now look at him!!" But sometimes that's how it comes across. When I am under the impression that several girls are interested in me. It makes my daily battle not to pursue... even worse. And it adds to pride.
And lastly, I have been facing a new enemy. Doubt. Don't get me wrong, I have struggled with doubt before, as anyone has. But never like this. Doubting the existence of God. I know it sounds stupid. Seriously it does. I literally think to myself: This is so stupid. It is Satan and my Flesh attacking me. And I hate it. I don't want to doubt God, I want to wholeheartedly cling to Him!!
And then there's Hell. Do I really believe in Hell?? I claim to. I could preach to you on it. I could wear the Book out showing your verses. I could walk the whole nine yards. But, I don't live with this "Hell Mentality." As if desperate that NO ONE goes to Hell. Would the death of a Sinner affect me more, or less, than a Christian's??? It should! I should tremble, and fall to my news crying for that person. But. I. Don't.
I need a desperation for God. I need a desperation for the Lost. I need an intense belief and urgency concerning Hell. I need, less of me, and More of God. Because all I do to myself is kill myself! God Heals Me.
Save me, Jesus save me. Save me from myself. From all my Dreams Come True.
Thanks for reading.
John Mark,
