Are You Worth Being Pitied?

In 1st Corinthians 15:12-19, Paul says something which I love. It's very thought provoking. He is writing to the Church in Corinth about the resurrection of Christ. Some people are claiming that Christ was not raised from the dead. Which would mean that we also would not be raised from the dead.
Paul explains that first off, if Jesus didn't come back to life. We are all doomed. Literally.

But then Paul makes another statement. He says that if the gospel is not true, then Christians should be most pitied among men. Why? Well look at Paul's life. The dude was beat up pretty much on a daily basis. People hated him. He was nearly killed several times. He gave up a prestigious title for that type of life. He could have literally had the world.
According to the gospel, if it is true, then in losing everything we gain everything. But if it is not true, then in losing everything... we lose everything.

Paul later in verses 30-32 adds on to this saying that he "dies daily" and that his (and the other believers) "lives are in danger every day."
But in verse 32 he says "What do I gain if, humanly speaking, I fought with the beasts at Ephesus? If the dead are not raised, "let us eat and drink, for tomorrow we die!"

Now, I don't believe Paul was saying YOLO. But let's say he was; if the gospel is not true, we literally have no hope at all, so live it up while you can, right??

I believe he was saying, essentially, "If the gospel is not true, then we might as well chase 'the american dream.' "
John Piper was preaching on this passage, and he said that he believed when Paul wrote that; the lifestyle he was describing was one more like our modern day american dream. Live your life. Enjoy it. Make the most of it. Progress yourself as far as possible. Get what you can, just be happy. Live, love laugh. This is the only life you have, so make it last.
That is what I believe Paul meant.
Here's the crazy thing, and John Piper pointed this out in his sermon. Paul said that if the gospel was not true, then this is the best alternative. But modern day Christians are living that EXACT lifestyle, and they are calling it Christianity! How does that make any sense?

I don't understand American Christianity, or "cute Christianity," or (my personal favorite) Evangellyfish Churchianity. It does not make sense. Jesus said that we are to forsake this world and what is has to offer in order to follow Him. He promised that if we follow Him, the possibility of being homeless is great. That we would endure much suffering. That we would have to be selfless. There are a lot of things which Jesus Christ said to describe following Him, that not only is there a lack of that in American Churches, it is often rebuked.
Francis Chan told a story once, of how he explained American Christianity to a group of persecuted Chinese Christians, and upon hearing our religion, they bursted in to laughter asking "how did you get that from the Bible?"

Paul said, that if the gospel is not true, then he was to be pitied most among men. But for Christians, if it is not true, it seems like it's no big deal. Really think about it. There's not much of a difference between us and the world. We are aren't radical (no matter how much we like to claim it). We are complacent. We neglect the clear teachings of Jesus, saying that we must interpret it correct. Which is an absurd claim, because His commands are, for the most part, crystal clear.

Jesus made several promises about the costs, and the rewards of following Him. It's high time we believed Him.

Is your life one worth pitying? As of right now, mine is not. I hope and pray that it will become one.

Thanks for reading,

John Mark,

From the hand of a failure:

I don't really know how to start this. But I guess the only fair way to start this is with a warning.

For any and all who know me, you know that writing is my outlet. I get stuff out by writing it. I am extremely expressive. I have always been in love with words. So I bleed on to paper. Pen and paper knows more about me than any one or anything; save Christ. When I am angry, depressed, sad, happy, or whatever, I can only accurately express it through words. And so here I am, once again cutting a vein, and bleeding out what's in. As I proceed, I don't believe, or intend this, to in any way, be something that that will boost my reputation. On the contrary, I intend this entirely to destroy me. To destroy my reputation, every rumor or thought, that John Mark Allen is a great man. Or that he is any good representation of Christ or Christianity.

Over the past week or two. I have been in a dry spot in life. I felt extremely distant from God. I couldn't feel Him, my prayers hit the ceiling and then fell back, and my Bible felt empty and lifeless. And this, for me, was terribly frustrating.
In this time, I began to fall. You see, whenever I begin to feel depressed, the biggest struggle I have is with lust. So first my thoughts fell. And this eventually led to porn.
Oh if mere words could express how much I abhor my existance. This, would indeed deem me a hypocrite due to all that I have taught. To all that I have told and taught that lust is equivalent to rape, to all the times I have claimed to respect and treasure women. All the times I have claimed that they are worth more than a tool for man's lust (which indeed they are, my actions do not take away from their worth, merely my view of it). I hate it. I hate not just my actions, but my being. I, of all people, knew better.
Then, to my humiliation, I recall back several months ago, where in words of anger I expressed with my brother, that I would not fall in that temptation. Ha.

Anger. I claim it to be my enemy but I call on him frequently as if he were a friend.
Recently, I have been entirely too quick to get angry and to snap off at my family. I became easily frustrated, annoyed and irritable to any and all around me. This had been going on for several weeks.

I honestly believe that anger, and lust even, are rooted by pride. Pride that says, I am good enough, I have the right, to be angry. I have the right to be angry because they had the audacity to oppose me. I have the right because I am me. Anger is selfcentered about what I want. It is rooted by pride.
Lust is as well. In that the entire time that I was falling into the hands of that temptation, I never stopped it in order to consider how degrading it was to women in general. My thoughts fell soley onto me. Getting momentary pleasure for me. Not considering that this would affect the way I view all women, and how it could affect the way I treat them. No, it all revolved around me.

Pride. I am an extremely prideful and self absorbed individual. If the above does not convince you, let me continue.
I love looking at myself. Seriously. My family can attest to the fact, that even if I was blind, I could locate a mirror in order to admire myself.
I love attention. Goodness, I know how to draw attention to myself. And I do it at times. I have even used my beliefs at times, in subtle ways, to get attention to myself. To impress people.
The Bible would describe this as robbing God of His glory.
Glorifying myself. Seeking praise for myself. Seeking to have my name known. Seeking fame for myself.

Oh goodness. I am a mess. I don't know what else to write, in this confession. I have written all that I can rememeber.
Please do not read this and assume that I am trying, in any way, to build myself up (though honestly, if you think that, I have no idea how or why). There is no pride in what I have done. Nothing noble or praiseworthy. It is all filthy and disgusting. And I thoroughly hate it. And would much rather not to have written this. But I am bound by conviction, as will be explained.

My entire point in writing this out, was not to glorify myself as a great Christian, because I have the guts to confess this on the internet. I don't want any of you to know any of this about me. I would rather you think that I have never fallen to these sins. I would rather be esteemed well.

My point was to have each and all who read this, to be thoroughly disgusted with me. To be appalled that John Mark would sin like this. Because I know my reputation among you, it is a good one. I want you to see me as a failure. As a waste. As Filth. And then I Want you to look at Christ. I know that it is hard to believe in all of this that Christ loved me enough to save me. He didn't suddenly decide to love me when I cleaned up. Or else He would obviously hate me. Rather, He knew about all this junk. He knew about all of my sins, and when I was His enemy He died for me. He saved me. He loved me. I want you to see His grace! I want you to see Him! I want to be disgusting to you, so that Christ will be shown so much more glorious to you all! Because in this, He becomes greater, and I become less. Look to Jesus. Not to me. Because I am worthy of wrath. He alone is good in me.

I honestly believe that God led me into that temptation in order that I may fall. So that I would realize my worthlessness, in order to lead me to be humble before my God, and not proud. God was very gracious to me, in that, this sin was all that He required I go through, in order to bring me low.

I apologize to you all, for how I have failed you as one trying to lead.


He MUST become greater, and I MUST become less.

I really can't stand

Going to "church'.
Go ahead, throw your stones if you will. But I'm just gonna be honest with you, as always.

I seriously walk into this building I attend, and each time, I feel empty. I am made extremely uncomfortable. Because it's so fake. Seriously, if my church is a perfect picture of Christianity, I want out.
It literally looks more like a Pagan religious ritual then it does brotherly fellowship that is described in the book of Acts. The Worship is a Doldrum, Missions are nearly absent. Discipleship is pretty much unheard of. And hardly anyone knows anything of what they believe. Some of them believe so basic, it's not even basic, it's John 3:16 without the rest of the chapter, much less the rest of the book.

I walk in, I see people who look more like the same pharisees that hated Jesus then the broken rejects that would cling to Him.
I walk in with shorts and a T, and people look at me like I'm insane... can I get really "Biblical" and wear a Fisherman's garb, girding up my loins? Or be a true Baptist, covered in the dirt of the deserts and clothes of camel hair?
If someone walked into my church, with tatts and piercings, I would bet money that they would feel judged, not loved.
Going to that brick building makes me sick.

We are so caught up in that building. It's more of a club membership then the Church. Ya know? Go there a coupla times a week, participate in the standard events, and then just hang with friends? You got those people near the fence whispering, and you can't help but look over your shoulder wondering what they are saying about you. It's twisted.
We call that building, "the church". We are so wrapped up in it.
Seriously look at your church, and honestly ask yourself, how hindered the worship and ministry would be if the building burned down. Messed up.

I walk in, and I feel empty. I look around baffled, asking "this is it? this is what people have died for? this is why people have been tortured, burned, and brutally, mercilessly murdered? this, is why my Jesus died? this, this can't be it.

Don't get me wrong, I have experienced true church before. Quite often actually. I have a friend in my youth group, and we get together frequently and discuss the Bible. It's amazing. I love it. We are cracking issues that have long baffled me. I am forever grateful for him. I praise God for the time we get together, it has helped me grow so much. In fact, our time studying has led to all this conviction about the church.

You see, the beautiful thing about Christianity is that it fits all cultures. You don't have to go to a culture and change it, because Christianity fits all of them perfectly. But in America, at least as far as I have seen it, our churches have our own culture, and anyone who walks in has to conform to it.
We have to "dress our best for God" rather than come as we are.
Don't get me wrong, if you feel convicted and it is a way that you worship, then so be it! But if I choose to walk in with jeans, a hoodie and a snapback, leave me be, cause I worship by coming as I am.

Our church needs so badly to get seeking the lost. Get into the broken communities. We have so many programs, but we never go and serve like Christ did, and like the Church is supposed to.
It's heartbreaking. It's sickening.

I want to ask you to join me. Join a movement with me, and many others. To break barriers in the culture. To change our churches. Start, by just being you when you worship! Whether you are dressy, or you are messy. Be you! Don't put a mask on, be who you are.
Then, find a way to hit the culture with the gospel, introducing the broken to good news, and not a new culture. Live for God. Don't live a Pagan ritual.

Hope you get something out of this. Thanks for reading.

John Mark,

No longer Pointless.

Sunday morning as my Pastor was preaching. I had this thought; one that affected my thought process the entire day. I thought to myself: I'm bored.

• No, not bored in the sense that I was listening to some old dude give a lecture on the Bible. In fact, I quite enjoy my church, my pastor, and the words that God speaks through him every week. So no, I'm not bored in the church service. I am bored in the church. I mean, what is Church?? We go two days a week, perhaps participate in activities on other days of the weak. Go on mission trips, and summer retreats we amass great amounts of knowledge from This Amazing Book, and then give 10%... if that. 

• But that sums it up. Quite frankly, its boring. I read stories of people, missionaries overseas mostly, who go, leave everything behind, just to preach the Gospel. Some get beaten and throne in a prison, left to live their last days in a cell. Others are tortured and killed publicly. But each sees, or sparks, amazing things in that area. Whether it is mass amounts of people coming to God. Or supernatural occurences, much the same to the ones in the book of Acts. I imagine it this way. I am in an army, I hear stories, see soldiers in the army hospitals seriously wounded, yet filled with joy. Their joy over flows as they explain their wounds. And after hearing that... I go back to my desk job, doing paper work. Paper work that is good yes, but not what I was trained for. 
• It's much like the movie Captain America (*Spoiler Alert*) when he becomes a "show boy." And then this girl tells him, that he was made for more than cheap theatrics. So he takes action.I am tired of cheap theatrics. I want to be on the front lines as my General raises His banner high, yelling "Onward to the Prize!!"
• As I have considered this, and I think of the fact that I say all the time: The Church is not the building, the Church is the people. I have come to realize that I am of a sad group, of Churchgoers. Not in what I believe, but in how I live. Sure, I believe the Bible. Yeah, I carry out my beliefs in keeping from sin as best as possible. But, that's not all that Christ called us to be. He called us to be the Church. Not Church goers. It is boring in this routine.
• So, as I went to Church Sunday night, I got together with some of the guys in my youth group. And I told them straight out, I'm bored. Then I asked them, when it was that they felt most alive in God. And each of them named a time when they were serving, or in deep study. Coincidence?? What we are called to do is serve. That is our job. We claim Christ as our example? Well what did Christ do?He served selflessly. Stood up to the oppressers. Loved the hated. Hm... not a very good picture of the majority of Christians I see. Sure, they are kind, loving, well meaning, and Bible believing. But theirs, and my life, do not reflect selfless service. Radical fulfillment of God's commands.
• I read verses like 2 Corinthians 13:5, saying test yourselves to know that you are in the faith. And I test myself. I read Revelations 3, saying to the Lukewarm Church, I will spit, literally puke, hurl, you out of My mouth. And no, I don't believe in "Lukewarm" Christians going to Heaven. You are either in or out, no middle. Or to the church of Sardis a bit before in that chapter: You have a reputation, but I know your works. That you are dead. Anyone else wary when they hear this?? I know, good and well that I have a good reputation. I hear it all the time. So I am scared, that perhaps I am dead.
• It scares me to read Matthew 10:16 on through the rest of the chapter, when Jesus says: When you are persecuted, not if, but when. I frightens me that I face no opposition in my beliefs. We sing songs of praise to God, but rarely do we consider those words. If we really did, I think we would either Radically change our lifestyles. Or sit down and be quiet. Then I read Ezekial 16:48-50; Where God says to Isreal, (His chosen people.)
• As I speak, Sodom never did as you did. This is why I destroyed Sodom: They were Prideful, Full of Food, and had abundance of Idleness, (Notice it says Idle, not Idol. Idle. As in, not doing anything) neither did they strengthen the hand of the poor and needy. But were haughty, and committed sin before Me. (Paraphrase. Go read it yourself though, its awesome.)
• This should scare you. Because I can pin this on the American Church. Even on myself.We were made for more than this. It is high time we take action. If you truly believe the Bible, you will realize, that pursuing what you want, is a sin if it is not what God wants. Cause then it is against God's will.
• So decide now, are you the Church, or a Church Goer. Because if we are simply churchgoers. We honestly, might as well put our Bibles on the shelf, and lock up our churches. Because our purpose on this earth is to serve. If we don't do that, we are pointless.
• I don't know what the first step is. But we have to do something more than what we are doing. We need to be Radical.
• I understand, that this does not apply to every Christian in America. But it certainly applies to a lot of us.
• I hope that in this, this deep desire to be more. That I am not alone. I also hope that in this doing all I can to take action, that I am not alone. If we rise up, we can change the world. Like we were made to do.
• Thanks for reading, 
• John Mark.
• Isaiah 58:3-14; 51:7; 61:1; 
• Jeremiah 20:9; 22:15-17;