I don't know if I can narrow down one event in my life that has shaped me any more than others. My life--especially recently--has been a massive conglomerative mess of mistakes and disappoints that have all equally shaped me. But if I had to name one thing, it would be my faith. It is because of my faith that I want to go to college. I want to get a degree so I can have the tools and income to work with and rebuild broken communities and gang neighborhoods. It is because of my faith that I have such a heavy burden for these places. But also because of my faith that I have gone to these neighborhoods and learned so much. I interned with Common Ground Montgomery over the summer of 2014 (CgmLife.org), and in many ways that changed my life. It shaped the way I view and approach people, regarding their hurts rather than their actions. I desire to one day intern in Chicago, Camden New Jersey, and eventually intern with BluePrint Church in Atlanta. These three will teach me what the ministry looks like, but also will develop me as a man.
So, what does this have to do with this scholarship? My dreams will be incredibly hard to achieve if I come out of school in debt. So I am fighting with all I am that I will not do that. This next school year I will be living on campus as an RA, which will give me free housing but not free meal plan, which costs around 1,700, on top of tuition and books. I am applying for this scholarship so I can have a bit of ease of mind as I go to school, invest in my classmates, and look forward to how God may use me in the future.

Holiness

“Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied himself, by talking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.”

Perhaps the interpretation of this in which I am about to share is thoroughly off base, but I have it to be a profound benefit to myself and therefore wish to share it. I came to this view of it recently at a Bible study. As the verses were being read my mind focused on “did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped.” What does this mean? How would one grasp equality with God?

I literally just looked up the word equality in a thesaurus. One of the synonyms available was “likeness.” So, let’s try it with that word. Jesus “did not count likeness with God a thing to be grasped.” Alright, now were are getting somewhere. In scripture, or christianese, what do we think of when we think “like God” or “God like”? We think of words such as, “Godliness.” And Godliness is typically synonymous with Holiness. So, Jesus did not consider holiness a thing to be grasped, but emptied himself, or humbled himself. This, I believe, is key to the gospel and how we as Christians are called to live.

If we follow the life of Christ, it is interesting the way he interacted with particular individuals. With the religious he was almost belligerent, or at least aggressive. But with those who were in no way religious (prostitutes, thieves and the like) he was incredibly gracious. Why was this? I think the key is the way each party views themselves. The religious people were seeking, or reaching to grasp, holiness. They were trying to become God Like, or Godly or like God. But in this pursuit they became arrogant. This is entirely contrary to the way Jesus approached holiness. But let’s not explore that just yet. What about the way the nonreligious carried themselves? They were convinced that they were already helpless, and that they would never be Godlike. Now, they were not by any means humble, but they were most assuredly not arrogant. Jesus identified with those who were broken, but neither is this holiness.

The way we typically approach holiness is to try and make ourselves “good people.” We develop a moral standard and then strive to achieve it. If we fail, we chalk it up to being human. Anyone who falls short of our standard we look done on, as if we are better than them. This is the way we approach holiness now, and the way the Pharisees approached it then. They used their holiness to oppress and not to liberate.

Jesus was Holy. He was God. But he was also humble. These two are not mutually exclusive. It was because of his holiness that he was able to be humble; it was an identity issue. He was secure enough in himself so as not to feel the need to better than others. He did not see equality with God as a race. So see who can get there first and be the best, the winner. No, that is contrary to the holiness of Christ. The holiness of Christ was security in identity and therefore humility. He was holy, and because he knew that, he was humble. He didn’t need to chase after holiness, he already was. He didn’t need to feel better than others, and therefore was humble.

“Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ…” How is it ours? Christ was already holy. His death and redemption of us was also his giving holiness. Now that we are redeemed, at our core we are holy. Our identity is holy. Therefore, this mind of humility and unity is ours. It has been given to us. Christ was able to live a life of humility because he was already secure in his identity, and now that we have been bought, so can we. Holiness is not works dependent, as the Pharisees thought. It is identity, as Christ lived.

Christianity has never, and should never, back off of the commands that Christ gave. Never should Christians fail to let people know how costly the call of grace is. But, far too often we fail to exemplify the grace and love of Jesus Christ. We walk around, seeking to be holy only to put people down. But holiness has never been about being better than anyone. Have this mind among you, be humble, being a servant even to the point of death. This is a costly call to put to death all preconceived ideas of us being holy because of our works. We cannot become holy, and therefore should not expect others to be holy on their own. Do you see how this works? The more we begin to understand holiness as an identity issue, the more we are able to love people despite their sin. Even more so, the more we will be able to love each other as Christians.

Empty yourself, as Christ has emptied himself for us.

"The Mighty Pulpit"

I have this fear. Well, several fears. But we will connect the dots in a second.

I have been considering the church, and what is often glorified in the church. And I may be wrong, but I believe that often times, we glorify the Lecrae's, Piper's, and Chan's. We glorify the platform. As if becoming a pastor or preacher is to have "made it" in the Christian world. Is this not true?
We praise the pulpit, and the sermon, and especially the messenger. Don't mistake me, I love all three men mentioned before. They have impacted me more than you will ever know. And I am grateful for them and their work. But we glorify the positions they hold far too often. We aspire to reach those platforms not because we want to build up believers, or that we are called, rather we chase after it out of ego.
We envy them. This is not good.

I heard a quote, and I don't remember who by, but it said something along the lines of "It is an interesting thing to find that, Christ taught more about servant-hood then He did leadership."
Read the gospels, read His teachings. The constant call to decrease, as God increases. To serve. To consider ourselves less important than everyone around us. The example Christ gave when He washed the disciples feet.
But, we don't like to do those things. And when we glorify the pulpit, and we make it a position to "acquire", we breed pride and hurt our churches. This causes the older and "more mature" believers to become puffed up in their knowledge and position. It also causes the newer believers to want that same position, so overtime they begin to think they have outgrown discipleship and discipline. Which grows more pride.

In Matthew 23 Christ warns the pharisees because they "travel over land and sea to win a single convert, and when you have succeeded, you make them twice as much a child of hell as you are."

When we make these positions glorious, and we esteem them, we are perverting our converts. We are leaving an example of pride and self establishment, and not a pattern of service.

I see it again in missions. We glorify young people going to World Changers, and other good mission trips. Beyond that, we celebrate and cheer on when someone wants to be a foreign missionary. And we scream and shout when people want to go to a city like ATL, LA, NYC, the Chi, to become "church planters." We glorify those mission fields. But we often neglect the local area. The small towns.

Don't get me wrong, it is not a bad thing to be a pastor. Or to wish to teach. Or to desire to go over seas, or to a city for missions. But we have got to stop glorifying the pulpit, and start encouraging the kitchen sink.

Thanks for reading,

John Mark,

Are You Worth Being Pitied?

In 1st Corinthians 15:12-19, Paul says something which I love. It's very thought provoking. He is writing to the Church in Corinth about the resurrection of Christ. Some people are claiming that Christ was not raised from the dead. Which would mean that we also would not be raised from the dead.
Paul explains that first off, if Jesus didn't come back to life. We are all doomed. Literally.

But then Paul makes another statement. He says that if the gospel is not true, then Christians should be most pitied among men. Why? Well look at Paul's life. The dude was beat up pretty much on a daily basis. People hated him. He was nearly killed several times. He gave up a prestigious title for that type of life. He could have literally had the world.
According to the gospel, if it is true, then in losing everything we gain everything. But if it is not true, then in losing everything... we lose everything.

Paul later in verses 30-32 adds on to this saying that he "dies daily" and that his (and the other believers) "lives are in danger every day."
But in verse 32 he says "What do I gain if, humanly speaking, I fought with the beasts at Ephesus? If the dead are not raised, "let us eat and drink, for tomorrow we die!"

Now, I don't believe Paul was saying YOLO. But let's say he was; if the gospel is not true, we literally have no hope at all, so live it up while you can, right??

I believe he was saying, essentially, "If the gospel is not true, then we might as well chase 'the american dream.' "
John Piper was preaching on this passage, and he said that he believed when Paul wrote that; the lifestyle he was describing was one more like our modern day american dream. Live your life. Enjoy it. Make the most of it. Progress yourself as far as possible. Get what you can, just be happy. Live, love laugh. This is the only life you have, so make it last.
That is what I believe Paul meant.
Here's the crazy thing, and John Piper pointed this out in his sermon. Paul said that if the gospel was not true, then this is the best alternative. But modern day Christians are living that EXACT lifestyle, and they are calling it Christianity! How does that make any sense?

I don't understand American Christianity, or "cute Christianity," or (my personal favorite) Evangellyfish Churchianity. It does not make sense. Jesus said that we are to forsake this world and what is has to offer in order to follow Him. He promised that if we follow Him, the possibility of being homeless is great. That we would endure much suffering. That we would have to be selfless. There are a lot of things which Jesus Christ said to describe following Him, that not only is there a lack of that in American Churches, it is often rebuked.
Francis Chan told a story once, of how he explained American Christianity to a group of persecuted Chinese Christians, and upon hearing our religion, they bursted in to laughter asking "how did you get that from the Bible?"

Paul said, that if the gospel is not true, then he was to be pitied most among men. But for Christians, if it is not true, it seems like it's no big deal. Really think about it. There's not much of a difference between us and the world. We are aren't radical (no matter how much we like to claim it). We are complacent. We neglect the clear teachings of Jesus, saying that we must interpret it correct. Which is an absurd claim, because His commands are, for the most part, crystal clear.

Jesus made several promises about the costs, and the rewards of following Him. It's high time we believed Him.

Is your life one worth pitying? As of right now, mine is not. I hope and pray that it will become one.

Thanks for reading,

John Mark,

Injustice:

Lately I have been spending a lot of time reading the book of Jeremiah, and contemplating what God truly asks of us who are disciples of Jesus the Christ. Because I have been incredibly burdened by my lack of service to God. And one common thing that God keeps saying all throughout His word, is that the believer is to fight on behalf of the oppressed. To oppose injustice, and help the poor.

January 1st marked the launch of the Passion Conference. A meeting together of young believers to encourage them to be young leaders. And at this conference they addressed the issue that there are OVER 27 MILLION slaves worldwide today. More slaves on earth than there has EVER been in History.

Many of these slaves are women being trafficked as sex slaves, exploited for money and pleasure. Treated like rags, as if they are not even human, as if they have NO value. And if they try to fight their captures, they are raped repeatedly. They are paid very little, and then are forced TO PAY their slave "owners," which then makes them debtors to these slave drivers! They are in a constant trap that is impossible to get out of, unless an outer force intervenes!
But many of the local governments are being paid by these brothels, and when a slave escapes and runs to the local police to help, they unknowingly are running straight to the men that PROTECT the sex trade!! They are forced to have sex with clients and to act as if they enjoy it, or else they are raped and beaten, many either die or kill themselves due to such abuse.

"She was only eight when they threw her in the trade
Abused in her youth now a slave of this rape
Uncle prostitutes the niece before she got through puberty
And its hard for her to pray 'cause she's dropping to her knees for a priest
Geez, the cross that he wears is the cross that she bears
Pedophiles is what Im mad about."--Swoope On High Society's "Mad About"

Many of the other slaves work in some of your favorite companies factories.

Hershey's Chocolate, Forever 21, Victoria's Secret, Nike, Aeropostale, Toys R' Us, Urban Outfitters, Nokia, KYE (A manufacturer for Xbox, and HP) and Macintosh, among many, many others.

These companies give people jobs paying them around 30-50 cents a day, barely enough for food, and a small hut. Some companies force their employees to pay a months worth of pay as a deposit, and if they quit before having worked a full year, they don't get that deposit back.
They are forced to meet a certain quota, and if they do not they are physically punished. Many of these slaves are women, and they are sexually harassed at the work place by their supervisors.
There was one case where at a Nike factory some women came in to work on National Women's day, and they did not have shoes on that met the dress code, and they were forced to stand out in the hot sun for 2 hours.
Many instances have been recorded where women have fainted on site, some have even died because they are not given medical attention.
These factories many times have employees working around highly toxic chemicals with no protection. And there is normally only one doctor, and few nurses to service any where around 60,000 employees.
These employees are not allowed sick days, and if they file a complaint about the conditions or abuse, they are fired!
Nike has ADMITTED to being aware of such abuse, and their "solution" was to post a list of rights that each employee gets on to a wall in the factory. But most times these rules are rewritten by the factories so as to give the employees a false idea of what they deserve.
Companies (Nike in particular) claim to be helping the local economy, by moving in until the local businesses can support itself. When in fact, they move to a new area as soon as the employees start asking for better and more reasonable pay.

There is also another type of slave trade, that is not brought up often. And that is the trade that is often called "The Trap." It is the hood, the use and selling of drugs in the inner city.
How it starts for the individual, is that he grows up without his father around, and he sees his mother struggling to provide for himself and his younger siblings. Or worse, his mother is always drunk and high off of drugs. So he goes out, and ends up getting discipled by a drug dealer that grew up just like him, in how to hit the streets with a 9 millimeter and to sell drugs. So he uses that money to pay for his families expenses. But he makes enemies, and he eventually gets shot, and if he has children, the cycle starts all over again! Literally, life expectancy in some neighborhoods is 15 years old for males. But they don't know any better! School teachers teach them that their only options are to get famous, or to go to jail, or to die. They tell them that they are worthless and will be a failure in life. It's an endless cycle. It's ironic that they call it the trap!


"The blood, the murder, the carnage, we see it all

From afar, on our DVR's, Simply too busy to be involved,
It ain't our problem unless it's an easy solve,
The hands and feet of Christ, is it lies?
Or do our busy lives tell us not to sympathize
The social ears of the world should make us sick inside
The big supply of evil should not desensitize
If they hungry and we don't feed em',
Closet full of clothes, when they cold, need em'
What we do for the least of, we do the same thing to Jesus
I know you see Him in your vision, but for intervention,
You too busy with your genders and religion,
Is it pride, racism, or arrogance,
That let's em' die waitin' for a good american?..."

"Blood in the streets, we turn blind eyes

Is it murder, if we watch them die?
Blood on our hands, and we don't care why
We turn blind eyes, 'till we in the fight."--Swoope & Christon Gray, Blind Eyes (The Good American).
Now, if you are like me, you are probably at this point wondering, what can we do to help?

First, the biggest issue is that people are ignorant! They don't know about these issues, and when they do, they don't want to. Why? Because hearing this means when you buy those dope kicks, you are supporting a company that exploits humans. We have got to stop making excuses about these issues like "there's hardly a company out there that DOESN'T use slaves..."
We have got to realize that this is injustice, and we MUST do something about it.
We can not say that this is an unbeatable enemy. As soon as we say that, it becomes true.

Second, get educated about these issues! Find out about this injustice. You can not fight an enemy you don't know exists. Study up, and let your heart be broken.

Third, drop your pride! Big deal if you can't eat your favorite candy, or rock your favorite threads! Stand against injustice! Life is not about you!

I have been thinking lately, about the luxury I live in. I will be honest, sometimes I hate going to the grocery store, because I see people, and I can see poverty in their eyes. It's embarrassing.
So, I got to think about my life, and I asked myself why God chose to place me in America, in a well off home, rather then in the hood with an absent or dead father and wasted mom. Or in a third world country, working in one of these factories myself.
My conclusion? God did not give me this life and excess so that I could flaunt what I have and live like a king. But rather that I could give away all my excess and help hope those in need, fighting for the oppressed, and to live like a King.

Don't over look this issue. Fight. If you want a certain type of clothing, learn how to make it if you have to! Live like Royalty did.

Thanks for reading,

John Mark,

"I Guess Pride Is My Idol Now..."

That line came from a song by this Rap artist that I just found, his name is Swoope. That particular line was in Andy Mindeo's song Fool's Gold, which also featured Sho Baraka. So, three of my favoritists (I know it's not a real word, I know this) artists all on one track. It's a good song.

That one line really resonates with me though.

I don't think people really get how prideful I am. How much of a narcissist I am. And how much I battle my pride. If Jesus didn't show me how little I really am, I'd be a real jerk... well... more of a real jerk. But anywho.

It bothers me when people compliment me. And at the same time, I feel like I need it.
I am uncomfortable when people compliment me because I know who I am. And people build me up as if I am some amazing person, and I know good and well that I am not. I know the sin within me. The very fact that sometimes I agree with their compliments is proof enough that I have a long way to go.

Compliments also put a lot of pressure on me. Pressure that, on first glance I don't notice. But when I spend some time thinking about it, I can see it. As a simple example, it has taken me three days to sit down and write this. Why? Because people think so highly of me, that I don't really want to expose my flaws and let them see how much I fail. I get afraid like, "man, if I tell them this, what will they think about me? They say that they got my back, but I have seen a lot of hate from these people against others."
It makes honesty and confession super hard.

Of course, even that some how seems to backfire on me. I struggle with pride, a lot. haha. And sometimes when I confess it, people compliment me on my transparency and "humility". It kinda makes me laugh.

I'll be honest, I am really, really terrified of myself. I love getting recognition, and I know how to get it. I know how to play people if I really wanted to. And none of them would ever know. And it would be easy. That may sound prideful for me to say, but the fact is, that when humans chase after what their flesh desires, they have a knack for acquiring it like a professional. My flesh desires to feed my pride, and my ego. I hope, and desperately pray that God teaches me humility.

Don't get me wrong, I am not saying compliments are wrong. Go ahead, say what you will. But I just have got to let you know who I really am. And I want you all to know that when I reply back something like, "I don't see it," or "I don't really believe it," or "Nah, I'm just highly overrated." It's not because I have low self-esteem. It's because I know how highly I think of myself. I desperately want to be humble, I know I'm not. Pride, is my idol now. I am just trying to kill it. It's hard though, cause it's equivalent to killing yourself. I mean that literally. What do you think pride is?? It is the "me obsession."

I don't say that to say that I am struggling just as much as someone who is struggling with so much pain that they feel like they need to kill themselves to get out. I say that so as to say that, I am literally seeking to kill my self-preservation and self-seeking self. I am trying to kill myself.

There's a lot more that I wish I could confess to you. And one day I will, I believe that. I don't really care how you receive it. I seek acceptance only from God. I confess because it is freeing, and leads to healing. I  confess because I hope that someone may benefit from my struggles. I confess because I have watched many, many people, bottle their struggle up, only to watch it explode.

"Most of us be lyin' like our lives don't need perfectin',"--Lecrae.

I'm done lyin' about my struggle. That leads only to more lying, and more pride.

Thanks for reading,

John Mark,

Dry Season:

I'll be honest. I don't really always like life. I have some days that I am just sick of it all. Although, it usually lasts longer than a day... more like weeks at a time. And, this is one of those times. Why do I hate these times? Cause I feel dry. Distant from God. Like the bridge between us is broken. Or as if He just gave up on me.

I hate this. I feel numb. I don't feel sad. I'm not depressed. But I don't feel happy. I long for that time when I feel God's presence again. When I read my Bible, and new things are jumping out at me on every page. But now, I don't feel that, at all.
I do my best to get into my Bible every day, not because it is some routine, but because I am hoping that, one day I will open it and be back at that place where I am reading and it is jumping out to me like it did before. I want that so bad. I thrive on that. I love and live for the presence of God. And right now. I don't feel it.

Who knows. Maybe it makes me a terrible Christian. Feeling entirely uninspired to do, or write anything Biblical. I love learning from that beautiful book. I love teaching about that beautiful book.

I really can not wait, until the day when Christ returns in a glorious show unlike my puny mind could imagine. When pain is no more and only comfort remains as we stand beholding His beauty and glowing in light of Him. Being entirely sustained by His self-sustaining power. Every pain, every tear, all will fall away. And all the good things that we enjoy will be brought back to their original perfect form before they were broken by depravity. And we shall be happy, and joyful, forever. I would rather be there then here.

But while I'm not. I will continue, even though I hate the lack of progress. I will continue on. I will keep seeking after God. Because tasting that sweet intimacy with Christ, is worth the dragging on life that I feel without it. God is faithful. He won't leave me like this forever. I know my Savior, and He will return. I eagerly await that day.